Let’s Retire “New Year’s Resolutions” in 2023
I have been thinking about the word “unstuck” as a good way to characterize my mindset this first week of 2023. I feel my senses are open and excited for a fresh start, even as the last few years of challenge and uncertainty tell me to tamp down an exuberant sense of possibility and optimism.
Perhaps this is why the perennial question, “Do you have any New Year’s resolutions?” strikes me as antiquated in 2023. Truth be told, this question, or rather the phrasing of the question, fills me with dread. When someone asks me this question, I somehow feel an expectation to manifest an inspiring and bold declaration from where I am today. In addition, I think the term, “New Year’s resolutions” is often more associated with early exuberance for a habit change, which then falls off by second or third month of the year. We all can laugh about the tendency for gym membership and attendance to skyrocket in January and then fall off by mid-February.
I think it’s better that we retire the term, “New Year’s Resolution” altogether. If we keep such a question, let’s choose one that aligns with the more gradual way that individual change tends to happen, as hypothezied in Prochaska and DiClimente’s Transtheoretical Model for Change (try saying that five times fast!). Maybe a more approachable question, without any expectation of ourselves or others, is:
“What tilts or shifts are you contemplating in the new year?”
Here are seven tips for seizing upon your reflectiveness and motivation at start of this new year, which won’t have you feel a sense of failure or shame by February:
Build on the success of the past: Reflect first on your last 12 months if you haven’t done so; What are you are proud of? What has been working for you professionally and personally? What have you been shifting toward this past year? What have you been shifting away from? What are some possible tweaks for 2023? What new aspirations and interests are popping up for you?
Finish incompletes: It can be so tempting to lean into a fresh set of projects and aspirations, but often we have a few incompletes professionally and/or personally that are in progress already. These incompletes can sap time and energy and joy in subtle ways, so making a point to finally check them off the list can be a source of pride and momentum to tackle other things as well.
Schedule phone dates with those you care about and admire: Whether or not you are part of an ongoing discussion or accountability group and/or work with a coach, find time to talk with colleagues and friends who you care about to explore the above questions. Talking on the phone is rare these days, but such a great way to have a meaningful and thought-provoking exchange of ideas and usually easy to coordinate.
Change things up in small ways: If you take a particular route on your walk or commute, try a new route or time of day; Wear something you haven’t worn in years (and if you hate it give it away!). Clear out a drawer that is stuffed to the rim. Shake up your household routines and choices when it comes to who and how you do shopping, cooking, planning and/or chores. If you tend to brush past acquaintances you run into, slow down and take time to really listen and converse with someone you don’t know.
Do a few experiments: Not unrelated to changing things up, test some different approaches to a change you have been contemplating. Instead of making a huge commitment to a particular course of action, find a way to dip your toe in the water and test out different approaches as a researcher would without expectation of yourself to make a particular commitment. If you have always been a quick responder on email and want more thinking time, try closing out your email for a few hours, going for a walk in the middle of the workday, or even taking your laptop to an inspiring location that is different than your typical office setting. This line of thinking comes from Paul Kegan and Lisa Lahey’s Immunity to Change Process, which is particularly helpful to move an individual along on a desired change when there are forces within working against a goal.
Challenge your assumptions about yourself. Next time you find yourself thinking that something is not in your wheelhouse of skills, interests and talents, push back and test that assumption. Try it out with a growth mindset. Interview someone who’s skilled in this area to gain same pointers. The worst that can happen is you have a new experience and perhaps a compassionate laugh at yourself as well. And the best thing that can happen is you widen your understanding of your capabilities and interests.
Read and listen We are fortunate to have free and immediate access to so many fantastic perspectives in podcasts, books and other publications today, and the world is evolving so quickly, a tweak might be as simple as keeping up with new voices and perspectives. Here are some thought provoking listens and articles I found relevant to attend to in this coming year, and certainly offer some interesting experiments here as well.
It does largely boil down to taking a “beginner’s mindset” as we start a new calendar year, and this lens is an enjoyable end in of itself.
On a related side note, one of the most exciting aspects of an executive coaching engagement for me is the fresh perspective that a coaching relationship can lend to an individual in their current work context. Just yesterday, I had a new client tell me how surprised they were to realize that a few incidents had impacted them more deeply than they previously recognized. Now this awareness is just the beginning of the coaching journey, but certainly a great starting place for learning, intentionality and change.
Here’s to your tilts in 2023, however micro they might be, I hope you’re able to savor your seat on this next ride around the sun.
