What are 3 Habits of Those Who Snap Back vs Snap Apart IN Challenging Contexts
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
This is a difficult moment for all of us. As I write, we are into our second month of social distancing in our fight against COVID-19. Whether working on the front lines or at home, managing kids in online schooling and less structured days, being sick oneself or worrying about those who are or may become sick, or most unfortunately, saying goodbye to loved ones who are isolated and alone, there are no shortage of reasons to feel stressed, anxious, sad, lonely and/or generally off balance. It’s nothing short of a large emotional rollercoaster, from any context. Indeed, it will be a long road to get back to “normal” and we are increasingly recognizing that our projected “new normal” will look different for the foreseeable future.
As an HR professional and coach, I cannot help but lean into the research around the science of change and resiliency. There is so much to write about, but in spirit of simplicity and brevity, I wanted to share a three-step simple model on resiliency that particularly resonates right now. I have been sharing this model with coaching groups I facilitate, and using this model in coaching sessions as well.
From the 2002 Harvard Business Review article, “How Resilience Works” by Dian Coutu, the article puts forth an explanation for how resilient people snap back vs snap apart. The model is summarized below.
Face down reality and prepare for worst case scenarios.
Find meaning and purpose in challenging circumstances.
Continually improvise and adapt to circumstances.
I love the approachability of this model, and have included below the questions it has led me to ask myself and of coaching groups that I facilitate. The practice of asking and answering these questions will aid in your capacity for resilience and help you narrow your focus amid turbulent circumstances.
What has been your new reality you have had to face down in your life, job, business?
What meaning can you find during this time? How might this time period be a catalyst for productive action, change and/or opportunity for you and/or your business/work?
How are you caring for and supporting others in your organization, your family, and/or your community? What is working?
How are you adapting and caring for yourself with regard to structure/schedule, social life, and health habits?
What have you been finding in remote working and collaborating so far?
What are you still struggling with or challenged by at the moment? Where do you need support or help today?
In particular, I have found the most energy in reflecting on the second step: finding meaning and purpose in unfortunate circumstances; there are silver lining opportunities for all of us if we choose to see and utilize them, and many are likely not heroic or newsworthy. In my own life, I have found this a moment to lean into friendship and have been picking up the phone or dialing into zoom to connect with valued colleagues, friends and family members. While work prospects have slowed, I have been reaching out to volunteer for organizations and individuals in need. I also have been savoring the time with my growing kids and enjoying unexpected fun with a jump rope, a trampoline, a board game, cooking, writing poetry and organizing spaces I never had time for previously. I hear from others that it’s been a time to hit the reset button on busy schedules or a time of crystallizing intentions around changes being contemplated, or even an opportunity to considering career growth and a job change in the background of maintaining one’s current employment.
While certainly not easy or ideal, I hope that you are finding at least one unexpected gift and learning in your professional and personal context at this moment. And hope these questions above might support your thinking or those you lead as well.