Getting the Wind Back Into Your Sails
When you make a mistake, throw your hands into the air and say “How fascinating!”
— Benjamin Zander
The Art of Possibility, by Benjamin Zander and his wife Rosamond Stone Zander, is one of my all-time favorite books. A collection of humorous stories and anecdotes designed to shift our paradigms for life and leadership, this book feels particularly resonant right now when we all could use a little more optimism and lightness in our gait. Zander brings his lens as a teacher and conductor of the Boston Philharmonic while his wife brings her wisdom as a family practice therapist. I share three particularly relevant concepts here as a reminder to myself just as much to readers and clients.
I found the start of last week (week 7) in quarantine to be something akin to hitting the wall at mile 16 of a marathon race. I knew there would be many more miles to go, but I was unsure about my capacity to finish the race in the way I would like. Re-engaging with these simple, yet compelling ideas of the book put the wind back into my sails. I hope they will do the same for you and all those in your orbit, in some small way.
Three helpful concepts from the Art of Possibility:
Giving An A. This concept is about giving ourselves a positive vision to step into, framed from our intrinsic motivations. In the chapter about this concept, Professor Zander flips grades on their heads by declaring that every one of his students has already earned an A at the outset; each student merely needs to articulate in detail how and why they will earn this exemplary grade on the first day of class. As a result, he observes that his uber, competitive and critical musicians feel more confident and deserving of their A grades, and rise to the challenge in their practice and performances. For all of us operating in more limited ways than we are accustomed, giving an A is about going a bit easier on ourselves; it’s about acknowledging what we are doing right versus what we are doing wrong. It’s about choosing what to prioritize and giving ourselves a break on the smaller stuff. It’s about knowing at the end of this period, what we will feel most proud to have worked for and why; it’s about clarifying the most important elements in that vision and slotting consistent time on the calendar. In my coaching groups this past week, I encouraged my women leaders to give themselves an A for things that they feel good about during this period. Indeed, it felt like a rare and much needed validation for these leaders to acknowledge what was going right and what they felt proud about; so many challenges and shifts happened so fast, they hadn’t stepped back from the fog to see and acknowledge how far they had come in just a few week’s time.
2. Be a Contribution. This is such a simple, actionable mindset and perhaps more bite size than the idea above. Wherever you are at, and whatever your roles professionally and/or personally, you can choose to be a contribution at any moment in your day. I think this motto is akin to a half time pep talk, which reminds us to get our heads back into the zone of our best play. Many knowledge workers and employees are working longer hours than ever, whether pivoting products or just servicing existing clients, applying for government loans, furloughing or downsizing employees, supporting a team emotionally and operationally, cutting or reshaping strategic plans and/or selling new kinds of product or services to clients; these efforts require tremendous energy, thought and care, and many may be working in less than ideal situations with children to care for and no help on the homefront. The lucky ones are those feeling stretched to capacity, while millions more have lost their work in the face of this crisis, and thus their contribution may be about upskilling into other avenues of work, and/or maintaining the health and well-being of their household with existing and even more limited resources. Even amidst the very challenging circumstances that people are facing, I have been inspired to hear friends and family share stories of generosity from making meals for sick families, making cookies for frontline healthcare workers, organizing Zoom groups for family and friend groups, sewing masks, donating PPE to hospitals, writing thoughtful notes to those who have lost someone, and/or raising funds or donating time to non profit organizations, particularly under-resourced at this moment. While it can be easy to get caught up in the loss of our former freedoms and sucked into the vortex of the news cycle, we can choose to lean into our talents and energy, in both big and small, and serious and also fun and creative ways; even the most monotonous of tasks (unloading the dishwasher for the 3rd time in a day or typing for an elementary school child who does not know how) can be done with pride and care, knowing we are all in this together and each doing our respective part to move through this with grace and learning.
3. Rule Number 6. Last but not least. In Zander’s words, this final idea boils down to: “Don’t take yourself so g—dam seriously!” Zander recounts a story of a conversation between two imaginary prime ministers who are interrupted by frantic, panicked advisors blubbering on about the crisis of the moment. When the resident prime minister reminds his staff members to just remember Rule Number 6, they are instantly restored to equilibrium, ease and calm. Rule Number 6 is about detaching from our situation, our egos, our reputation, our unique challenges and problems, and giving way to more lightness, humor and joy and even freedom to climb out of the box of our limited frames. Sometimes, expectations and pride limit our best thinking and burden us with a heavy weight of anxious emotions. At this moment, there is so much uncertainty and it’s more than okay not to have all the answers and not always feel so upbeat, and indeed, the days and weeks may feel like a roller coaster. I have had several moments where my internet has gone out, my train of thought gets lost and I fail to complete tasks in the time frame I might normally expect of myself. And daily, I just need to give myself a break and get outside for a run or walk by myself to clear the air. My husband has had to remind me that it will be okay if something does not go perfectly while wfh, and while I get it intellectually and can forgive others in the circumstances, I don’t seem as willing to give myself a break. So here’s to remembering Rule Number 6 at these moments and also remembering what’s most important and what we are grateful for, and hopefully your health is on that list.
In short, may you be lightened in your step with the ideas of acknowledging what you are doing right and visioning your desired outcomes and aspirations for this time, stepping into immediate and even small ways you can contribute, and finally, to moving through the world with humor and lightness and adaptability at this moment.
The momentum of just one small step will bring you into the next!